Am I ready for this?

As I sit back and mark another week off my countdown, I reflect.  This month has taught me a lot about myself, as a person, a wife, a parent, a friend, a pet owner, and a Christian.

I have learned that I sometimes don't leave enough time at the end of the day for myself, and sometimes I take too much for myself.  I learned how easy it is to be kind when well rested, and how easy it is to be selfish when pushed to the limit.  I learned even the smallest of things can make me miss the man I love, but a clean house stays that way a bit easier with him gone.  I learned some days I yell too much as a mom, and some days I don't give enough hugs.  I learned no matter how bad your day goes, a simple "Love you mommy" makes the rainiest of days bright.  I learned how important a smile, giving a second or two to listen, or a good tickle session is to a 2 year old.  I learned just how many good friends I have, and how important it is to be a good friend back.  I learned a dog can go a day or two without a walk, but it isn't fair.  And I learned when the day is over, give thanks for the strength you were given, and pray that God will grant me the strength, wisdom, humor, and grace to get through the next one.

Looking back, I have also learned how quickly life passes.  It is so true for me that the hours in the day are long, but the days are short.  I was reminded of this at the playground.

 

Just 2 months ago, Jenssen was your normal clingy toddler at the playground.  You could tell in his eyes that he wanted to go, but the safety and security of mom was just too comfy to leave.  I had to go with him over every bridge, down each slide, and through tunnel after tunnel.  Yes, it was fun, but it was also intimidating.  Mommy made this better.  This was especially true at Pump it Up, an inflatable bounce house that we frequent.  To begin paying Kileen back for all the relief she provides for me, I offered to take her kids with me and the boys, and give her a few hours of peace.  Mother of 2 turned 7 headed out in the 12 passenger van.  I paid, and decided to go get Jenssen used to the place before I fed Rowan.  I walked into the place, and he was gone.  No mommy help me take my shoes off.  No mommy hold my hand.  No mommy go up the slide with me.  Just a little boy, already inside the bounce house, jumping, with a huge smile on his face. 

I took my place on the bench, with all the other mom's who's kids no longer needed their hand.  Looking around, I saw older boys, and realized that all too soon he would be going to school, and I would be having these same emotions about the little boy cooing at me from his car seat.  That made me so sad.  Not to mention, I really enjoyed going down that big slide. 

Any parent out there can sympathize with me, especially at this time of the year when their little babies are starting kindergarten, high school, or college. He isn't going to slow down, he isn't suddenly going stop growing up.  So instead of wishing he still wanted me to help, I decided to enjoy and cherish the moments I had with him.  And you can bet I took every chance I had that day to explore the world with my little man.

This man is not far behind.  Rowan is certainly a different baby than the one Justin kissed goodbye.  He squeals and coos at anything that he sees.  He has an opinion, and although I don't understand it, he sure wants to make it known.  I find myself staring at this little bundle, trying to soak in every baby thing about him. The other little boy that is running around me is a constant reminder that although I think I can't wait for Rowan to feed himself or sleep through the night, I will never get back that baby skin, those little giggles, that toothless smile, or those innocent snuggles.

Am I ready for this?  For these boys to grow up?  Ready or not, they will, so I better get on board and soak it up!

Justin should be home sometime in the middle of next week.  It will be more like a quick visit as he will be off again before the 1st of September, but we will cherish each moment.  Of course, those days will fly by, but it will bring us closer to the end of September when we find out where the next year will take us. 

Hold on tight, right?